Well, all in all, it’s been a pretty embarrassing month. If we are honest, we can admit that we all do dumb-ass stupid things (some more than others…ahem, me). But tell me this; Why is it that it sometimes feels as if God is watching over us, pointing a very large finger and saying “Today, I’m totally gonna screw with you.”? For me, (due to the fact I have to take strong painkillers) these ‘dumb days’ are more frequent than I would perhaps like. The embarrassing day has turned into one long month of living hideousness; from my severely sleep-deprived brain zoning out so I look like I’m an idiot who stares vacantly at everything; not wearing my glasses and saying, “Hello, how are you?” to complete strangers, to wiping off half my pencilled in eyebrow and walking round looking scary for half the day – I could go on. So, I thought what better way to deal with this inward self-torture than to share the top most stupid things to do (Truly hoping it’s not just me).
1.Being misunderstood in conversation with the local shopkeeper
Now, you are probably thinking this doesn’t rank up there on the embarrassment scale but let me digress:
The other Sunday I rushed to get to the only remaining store left open and managed to arrive there 1 minute to closing time. Whilst paying I explained to the really lovely Asian man that I thought I wasn’t going to make it in time, thinking I was going to miss him. He replied with, “Oh, come on, it’s not me you miss – just the chocolate.” (Awks). This is humiliating on two levels –the shop I frequent is now a no-go zone due to the fact that he thinks I was coming on to him! Secondly, he’s on to my serious and unrelenting chocolate addiction. Awful. And, now online shopping seems to be the only answer.
2.Helping with the neighbours bin
Again – how can this be in any way embarrassing? I’ll tell you:
Bin day – the neighbours bin is slightly in the way of my drive so I kindly go to check it is empty, so I can move it. I look in and there’s 3 pieces of small recycled rubbish in the bottom. Now, my bin is always full and being only too aware of how lax our bin men are, I PRESUME it’s been emptied and roll it back into its usual position next to my neighbour’s door. Mentally patting myself on the back for my kind Samaritan action, I am surprised to see (as I am reversing out of the drive) that the neighbour (looking somewhat cross)) is rolling it back to the end of the drive. Oops.
3.Mistaking someone else’s child for yours
This couldn’t be more embarrassing. Standing at the school gates and waving your presence to the teacher as a child with the same blonde hair and hat as your child is standing at the gate waiting – hideous!
4.Sounding like a total Idiot on the phone
Has anyone else ever been so worried about sounding so totally professional and smart, that when it comes to speaking, your brain completely fails you and so you sound instead like you have rather unappealing verbal dyslexia. Yup!
5.Inadvertently telling someone they need to exercise
This one was a total mistake – let me make clear it did not even cross my mind that the person involved should exercise more. The person was showing me pics and saying, ‘Look how thin I was there.” I said, “I know, I caught sight of my reflection and thought ‘God I need to tone Up, Too.” Clearly, my brain hates me. My innocent comment had taken residence on the dark side, making me appear downright malicious. She must have thought I was passively agreeing that exercise was necessary for the both of us, and secondly, I confirmed that by adding, ‘too’. The worst thing is I looked like a total mean douche but – hand on my heart – inside my head I just wasn’t thinking about anything other than the usual self-deprecating humour to which I generally reach.
Solution: look for a hole to jump in!
Does anyone else make such regular embarrassing blunders? Please share! xx