Advertisements

Is Someone Gaslighting You? Here’s How To Deal With Them

‘Gaslighting’ is the term used to describe when a person attempts to dismiss another’s concerns. This is done by trying to convince them, that they are either crazy or their perception is imaginary; thus, achieving enough self-doubt in their beliefs to stamp out the issue.

There are many reasons your partner may be trying to gaslight you – but they all come down to the same basic fact – they want to avoid detection. Check out the following gaslighting examples and how to effectively deal with them:

1.Cheating

Gif of friends for gaslighting article
Credit: Giphy

The #1 reason for gaslighting. Have you ever been in a situation when things do not seem right, and explanations of certain behaviours or missing times do not fit? You don’t have solid evidence, but you know in your gut something is definitely up. When you approach your partner to voice your concerns, you are told you are crazy, and imagining everything. However, the niggling doubts do not leave.

Solution:

We do not get these gut instincts without a reason. Granted, certain mental health disorders can cause a person to be unjustly paranoid and equally cause another person to behave in a way that may cause unfounded alarm bells to ring for another. However, if this is not the situation – then it’s time to listen to your instincts. Asking them clearly won’t achieve anything, so put your Sherlock hat on and do a little detective work to get the answers you deserve. Do not be gaslighted!

2.Money

money gif for are you being gaslighted and how to deal with them article
Credit: Giphy

Money is definitely the root of all evil. People go crazy for it, behave in the worst manner ever to attain it or prevent other people having it– and a lack of it can create a host of arguments that really should never happen. If you feel you are being duped and when you enquire you receive a gaslighting response, think on. Always protect yourself. The best thing about this gaslighting is that it is very transparent. Although hurtful, once realised you can learn a lot about someone’s personality and how they should truly rate in your life. Take note and move on accordingly.

3.Gossip

gossip gif for gaslighted article and how to deal with someone
Credit: Giphy

With the age of social media gossip has reached unprecedented levels. When it is about you (and worse still, when it is not true) it is the worst feeling in the world. Yet, even though we are aware of this, the market for general gossip is ever-growing. Go figure.

If you hear rumours are circulating about you, but have no clear evidence, try to be strong. Fake news or gossip grows like cancer in people’s brains and can destroy peoples’ lives. If you ask and you know you are being gaslighted, I would offer this advice: Do not search online for it will send you insane – and if you find something, it will eat away forever more. Instead raise your head high, live your best life and ignore anyone who tries to throw shade your way. You are amazing and these people are not worth a tear.

The problem is that with social media it isn’t hard to take someone down. Once you are discredited any protest you make is laughed off, and you are simply adding to their list of reasons for calling you crazy or a liar. Understand that the angrier you become, the more the gaslighting individual can grin and say, “See what she’s like?” The only thing to do is develop a thick skin and carry on (but with your wits about you).

Have you any gaslighting stories you can share? Share your thoughts below. Be strong people xx

Advertisements

6 Signs You Will Be Fighting Over The Bathroom

Hey Lovelies!

I hope you are all having a good week. We all know and hope equality should extend to all areas in men and women’s lives – but if we are honest, do we really want total equality when it comes to bathroom usage? We love the fact that men are taking care of their skin like never before. However, does anyone stop and think about the constant battle over will bag the bathroom first each day? Should you be about to take the next big step and move in with your man and are worrying that their self-preening may overtake yours, read on. Here are 6 warning signs there may be problems afoot:

1.He “Borrows” Your Moisturiser

Cameron Diaz
Giphy.com

According to news reports, Ryan Reynolds recently prepared for the Golden Globes with a variety of skincare products, including lip balm, toner and MAC Set Powder. Now, if they are bringing their own to the table, that’s probably okay (if in doubt, see above). However, I don’t know about you, but my moisturiser and serum are 2 of my most treasured possessions and at risk of sounding selfish – I won’t share them. If your fella is borrowing your skincare products, this may be a sign of things to come.

2.His Eyebrows Look Better Than Yours

Joey from Friends Gif
Giphy.com/Friends

He may just be really lucky in the looks department, but when it comes to eyebrows, the general rule is that some amount of effort is needed – particularly if his eyebrows are appearing neater and prettier than yours. Serious bathroom time, people.

3.Always A Bath, Never A Shower

Chandler from Friends in bath Gif
Giphy.com/Friends

Does he frequently refuse a shower in favour of a bath?

If so, logically speaking this is going to take a big chunk of time (possibly every day) even before the mirror time takes place. That is unless your fella is like mine and literally does everything (EVERYTHING!) in the bath.

4.You Already Fight Over The Bathroom

A gif of everybody loves raymond show
Giphy.com/Everybody Loves Raymond

If you are about to take the plunge and move in together, my guess is you have probably spent a few nights at each other’s houses. During these times, cast your mind back to whether or not you have had to stand with your legs crossed waiting for him to vacate. There’s only so much time someone can spend on the loo, surely? Red flag, ladies.

5.He Knocks On The Door

A gif of cat closing bathroom door
Giphy.com

When you are in the bathroom, does he knock on the door impatiently? Do you have to rush? #Bigclues!

6.If You Set Your Alarm Early And Still Have To Wait

A gif star trek benedict cumberbatch
Giphy.com/Star Trek

On the occasions that you spend together, you decide to set your alarm so that you get bathroom time without stress, only to discover your guy has also read “The Three Little Pigs” and got there earlier still.

Should any of these signs be familiar, you may have an insight into what the future holds. If you happen to be someone who isn’t that fussed if you leave the house looking the worse for wear, whilst your other half appears so sparkly, he could be off to a modelling shoot, you may want to revise the living situation (or at least make sure your new place has two bathrooms).

Happy Friday people xx

Should You Ever Accept A Guilt Gift?

Hey Lovelies!

Yesterday, for the first time in our 9-year relationship my partner bought me a gift – a beautiful silver bracelet. Now, although I would like to say what a sweet thoughtful gesture this was, my more cynical side is screaming in my ear that given the fact that I have never been given presents, this gesture comes with a side order of guilt. Which leads me to the question: Should we accept a guilt gift?

1.Confirmation

giphy
Credit: Giphy

Firstly, you need to be sure this is a guilt gift. Love the facts. Is it out of the ordinary to receive a present? Has the bearer of the gift acted out of character lately? If it’s your partner and he/she is usually a narcissistic pain-in-the-ass, who never buys you gifts, then it’s more likely to be due to buttering you up or fear they have been caught out. Do a little digging, talk to the person involved about how they are feeling – listen to what they say, and your gut instincts should tell you if this is a guilt gift or rather fear of detection.

2.The Source

gif not guilty
Credit: Giphy.com

Accepting a guilt gift wholly depends on the reasons you are being given the present in the first place. For instance, if a family member has spoken out of turn and wants to make amends, this should perhaps be recognised as a genuine olive branch and thus be accepted. However, discovering the reason may sometimes take a while longer. People often offer gifts as a way to compensate for behaviour, of which they are unwilling to disclose.

3.Truth or Lies?

A gif of liar liar
Credit: Giphy.com

Accepting a gift that has been offered in an attempt to blanket over a trail of deception is probably not going to solve anything. My solution is to talk to the person involved. Even if they choose to lie to your face, you will be able to pick that up and find another way to move on. In this instance accepting any guilt gift would be a bad idea (unless of course it happens to be a pair of Prada boots or a big fat diamond necklace). On the other hand, a sincere guilt-fuelled present with genuine remorse, honesty and attempts at reconciliation should perhaps be praised and graciously accepted.

Have you ever been given a gift out of guilt? Did you accept it and what were your thoughts? Leave me your comments below and happy Friday people xx

How To Deal With Unwanted Family Situations At Christmas

It’s that time of year again – decorations, chocolate, mulled wine, presents…oh, and the joys of the not-so-festive family members. Sure, some of you may be thinking, ‘What a bitch!” But’s let’s get real about this – if you are honest, there will inevitably be at least one person in the vicinity of your extended family that just…y’know. If you are sat there thinking there’s really no one in your family circle you’d prefer Focker style ‘out’ then you don’t know how lucky you are! Damn!

For the rest of us, here’s a little advice to help you deal with the inevitable situation:

Over the years I’ve tried pretty much every angle of dealing with the yearly HELL – alcohol, avoidance, humour, ridicule, sweat and tears. So, without much ado here are my tips for dealing with the usual suspects:

1.The Sibling.

giphy1

Credit: Giphy

Now, let’s get one thing straight – family is family, and you can’t choose them. Do try to overcome issues, for if you do, you will be a solid rock to one another through the good times and bad. However, sometimes reality just sucks. Your brothers or sisters may not be very nice people and there’s not a hell of a lot you can do to change that. If making an effort results in relentless backstabbing, if you don’t feel they consider or treat you any better than if you were a piece of crap, my advice is to walk away.

giphy3

Giphy

Relentlessly making an effort year upon year, of which always ends in stress does not make you altruistic – it makes you sadistic! Arrange times to see the nice family members. After all, isn’t life about keeping misery at a minimum? Christmas day is but one day of the year, so make arrangements to avoid all unnecessary pain and don’t feel guilty.

2.The Parents-in-law and Step-Parents 

giphy2

Giphy

Hmm, tricky one. Not much you can do in this situation except make sure you have alcohol, but not too much, and ensure you have somewhere to go for a breather (nipping out to see another family member/friend). Organise a time slot and explain you would love the entire Christmas holiday with them but your duty calls to do the rounds amongst other family members. If they are particularly mean, have a quiet word with your S.O and let him/her deal with the problem. Should they be unbearable this year, make a note and book a holiday abroad in time for next Christmas!

Should the area of concern be a particularly cruel step-parent, you may find they have already thought ahead and omitted you from their Christmas plans. Problem sorted.

3.Husband/Wife/S. O

giphy4

Giphy

Have you heard the phrase “You made your bed, so lie in it.”? I know, it’s a little harsh. However, if things are bad, take some time to see if you are causing some of the issues and what you can change about yourself to make the Christmas period smoother. Then, do the same for him and have a pre-Christmas chat. A calm conversation devoid of accusations, but brimming with ‘I feel’ and solutions. Then stick to them, don’t over-drink, try to put things aside and simply enjoy Christmas for what it is. Most importantly do not over think and do not stress out. Should you feel you are biting craters in your lip, get some space for an hour and chill.

#dealwiththeissue

Come January, if things are still this bleak it’s time to revaluate your status IRL!

 

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: