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Should You Ever Accept A Guilt Gift?

Hey Lovelies!

Yesterday, for the first time in our 9-year relationship my partner bought me a gift – a beautiful silver bracelet. Now, although I would like to say what a sweet thoughtful gesture this was, my more cynical side is screaming in my ear that given the fact that I have never been given presents, this gesture comes with a side order of guilt. Which leads me to the question: Should we accept a guilt gift?

1.Confirmation

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Firstly, you need to be sure this is a guilt gift. Love the facts. Is it out of the ordinary to receive a present? Has the bearer of the gift acted out of character lately? If it’s your partner and he/she is usually a narcissistic pain-in-the-ass, who never buys you gifts, then it’s more likely to be due to buttering you up or fear they have been caught out. Do a little digging, talk to the person involved about how they are feeling – listen to what they say, and your gut instincts should tell you if this is a guilt gift or rather fear of detection.

2.The Source

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Accepting a guilt gift wholly depends on the reasons you are being given the present in the first place. For instance, if a family member has spoken out of turn and wants to make amends, this should perhaps be recognised as a genuine olive branch and thus be accepted. However, discovering the reason may sometimes take a while longer. People often offer gifts as a way to compensate for behaviour, of which they are unwilling to disclose.

3.Truth or Lies?

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Accepting a gift that has been offered in an attempt to blanket over a trail of deception is probably not going to solve anything. My solution is to talk to the person involved. Even if they choose to lie to your face, you will be able to pick that up and find another way to move on. In this instance accepting any guilt gift would be a bad idea (unless of course it happens to be a pair of Prada boots or a big fat diamond necklace). On the other hand, a sincere guilt-fuelled present with genuine remorse, honesty and attempts at reconciliation should perhaps be praised and graciously accepted.

Have you ever been given a gift out of guilt? Did you accept it and what were your thoughts? Leave me your comments below and happy Friday people xx

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How To Deal With Unwanted Family Situations At Christmas

It’s that time of year again – decorations, chocolate, mulled wine, presents…oh, and the joys of the not-so-festive family members. Sure, some of you may be thinking, ‘What a bitch!” But’s let’s get real about this – if you are honest, there will inevitably be at least one person in the vicinity of your extended family that just…y’know. If you are sat there thinking there’s really no one in your family circle you’d prefer Focker style ‘out’ then you don’t know how lucky you are! Damn!

For the rest of us, here’s a little advice to help you deal with the inevitable situation:

Over the years I’ve tried pretty much every angle of dealing with the yearly HELL – alcohol, avoidance, humour, ridicule, sweat and tears. So, without much ado here are my tips for dealing with the usual suspects:

1.The Sibling.

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Now, let’s get one thing straight – family is family, and you can’t choose them. Do try to overcome issues, for if you do, you will be a solid rock to one another through the good times and bad. However, sometimes reality just sucks. Your brothers or sisters may not be very nice people and there’s not a hell of a lot you can do to change that. If making an effort results in relentless backstabbing, if you don’t feel they consider or treat you any better than if you were a piece of crap, my advice is to walk away.

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Relentlessly making an effort year upon year, of which always ends in stress does not make you altruistic – it makes you sadistic! Arrange times to see the nice family members. After all, isn’t life about keeping misery at a minimum? Christmas day is but one day of the year, so make arrangements to avoid all unnecessary pain and don’t feel guilty.

2.The Parents-in-law and Step-Parents 

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Hmm, tricky one. Not much you can do in this situation except make sure you have alcohol, but not too much, and ensure you have somewhere to go for a breather (nipping out to see another family member/friend). Organise a time slot and explain you would love the entire Christmas holiday with them but your duty calls to do the rounds amongst other family members. If they are particularly mean, have a quiet word with your S.O and let him/her deal with the problem. Should they be unbearable this year, make a note and book a holiday abroad in time for next Christmas!

Should the area of concern be a particularly cruel step-parent, you may find they have already thought ahead and omitted you from their Christmas plans. Problem sorted.

3.Husband/Wife/S. O

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Have you heard the phrase “You made your bed, so lie in it.”? I know, it’s a little harsh. However, if things are bad, take some time to see if you are causing some of the issues and what you can change about yourself to make the Christmas period smoother. Then, do the same for him and have a pre-Christmas chat. A calm conversation devoid of accusations, but brimming with ‘I feel’ and solutions. Then stick to them, don’t over-drink, try to put things aside and simply enjoy Christmas for what it is. Most importantly do not over think and do not stress out. Should you feel you are biting craters in your lip, get some space for an hour and chill.

#dealwiththeissue

Come January, if things are still this bleak it’s time to revaluate your status IRL!

 

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